Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I'm totally okay with days apart from my kid. Am I an anomaly?

Confession: I'm not as distraught as I feel I should be when my kids aren't around me.

It's not like when we're apart I don't miss them. I just seem more detached than the other moms I know. For instance, once every couple of weeks Nathan sleeps over with my mom and dad (and sometimes my siblings who are in college). Sunday night, he asked repeatedly to see my mom until I called her at work, and we arranged to meet to drop him off until the next day. Sure, I missed him a little, but I also had so much time to get things done without him. Never at any point while he's with them do I think "I want to leave right now and get him!" A week and a half ago, my mom took him camping for two nights. I think every other mom I know would have never let that happen, but I was happy to get time to do homework and have more time to myself. I was glad to see him when he got back, of course.

The same happened while I was working. I missed them a little, but it was intensely relaxing not to be in a routine of manual labor taking care of them. It's not that taking care of them means constantly toiling, but it does have hard parts. Work has adult-time, which for me was really necessary. My need to feel validated by contributing to a workplace was far more pressing than my need to be around my sons all day, every day.


Maybe the fact that I know they're having fun, and in great hands with either their dad or a grandparent, leads me to be completely relaxed and laid-back about them being without me. Or maybe I'm too detached and individualistic, and I'm not the greatest parent?


  1. Ha, I am the other moms you know!

    And I have never overnighted away from the Babby and even just thinking about it right now makes me feel queasy a little. I think *I* am the abnormal one, though, since pretty much everyone I know has had at least one overnight away, if not more, and been all YAY YAY AWESOME about it. I don't even want to go out to dinner or whatever because I am like, well, no one can put the Babby to bed but us blah blah.

    I'm pretty sure you're the normal one here.

  2. Um, hello, THREE WEEKS away!!! :( and :) I'm not thrilled about it, but I am looking forward to that adult time. I guess you've got 2 extremes here, huh, between BabbyMama and I. I'm seriously wondering if I'll just bug out at some point and say "See ya!" to grad school and just come home.

    I definitely think you're totally normal. I've seen other parents that hardly seem to spend time with their kids, always leaving them with someone else, and you're not that. (Oh, wait, I was a nanny for that kind of family) You just appreciate still being your own person, which I think is a very sane thing to do.

  3. I'm totally there with you. Time away? Piece of cake! That doesn't mean I adore T any less, or even that I don't miss him when we're apart--but yay for grandparents and weekends away!