Just a few minutes ago, a thing happened. A thing you should all know about before deciding whether or not children are right for you.
It started off innocently enough. Brought the Baby Gloucesterite upstairs for a diaper change. I had some diapers I needed to clean off in the toilet (I cloth diaper), so I figured while I went and did that, he could run around in his room with a diaper off. He doesn't pee very often now, and there's no precious oriental rugs or anything, so no big deal, right?
So I'm cleaning off the diapers when I hear THUMP and WAAAH, so I run in to pick him up. I realize that his shirt is soaked, and when he stops crying, I notice a puddle on the floor. So I reconstruct the incident and realize that he peed on his hardwood floor, and then slipped in it and fell down. As I'm cleaning it up with a towel he starts splashing in it merrily. I'm an awesome mom.
AND THEN. All is well again so I bring the last diaper in to dump it, only I'm holding it kinda funny to avoid touching poo because I'm a coward and THE ENTIRE POO FALLS OUT OF THE DIAPER AND ONTO THE FLOOR. And it's not solid. It's like cow plop consistency. And before my body can react, MY FOOT SQUISHES THE POO INTO THE BATHROOM FLOOR. It was like a slow motion train wreck I couldn't stop, I was all "NOOOOOO" and the poo was all "NOOOOO."
YES I WAS WEARING SHOES THANK GOD. And I was wearing old running shoes I garden with. But now there's poo stuck in every crevice of the sole. And in the grout of the bathroom tile, because I haven't the courage to go clean it out with bleach right now.